I can remember my elementary school teachers as being wonderful. They weren't surrogate moms or dads, but I knew I could trust them. They taught me how to read, write, count, color in the lines, cut things out, get lost in a book, turn my imagination on, see the bigger picture from the little details. They helped me become who I am today. I began school with manners and social customs. I said thank you, please and excuse me. I knew not to hit, bite, spit, throw food in the cafeteria or piss on the floor. This was not so long ago.
As I embark on my 10th year teaching I wonder what's the story with todays kids? So many of them come to school with the mind set that I am the enemy. Granted I see why they feel I have nothing, as a teacher, to offer them. Their in survival mode and education does not get rid of hunger pangs. They look at me as tho who am I to expect them to come to school prepared to learn, with supplies and well rested. I didn't know that you didn't get any sleep because 100 people live in your 2 bedroom apartment. I didn't know that out of the 25 cousins they share a bed with, 17 of them wet the bed. I didn't know there's never any hot water in the morning and they have to come to school smelling of urine. I didn't know that last nights dinner was half of a mayo sandwich. I didn't know that their sneaker has a hole in the toe. I didn't know that they've never met their father. I didn't know.......BUT I expected you to come to school prepared to learn, with supplies and well rested. It was my intention to teach you how to add and subtract unlike fractions. It was my intention to teach you what it means to reduce to lowest terms. It was my intention........ BUT you see me as the enemy. You don't trust me with your brain. You don't trust me. You don't trust. How do I overcome that? How do I in a timely fashion get you to trust that I will not abuse you. That I will not abandon you. That I am not the enemy. How do I in a timely fashion get you ready to pass a math test that your 2, sometimes 3, years behind?
I can't wear armor to work everyday, it is just to heavy. I have to laugh. I have to smile. I need you to trust that this quotient is correct. I need you to know that when I laugh its with you not at you. That when I smile it's because I am proud of you not mocking you. How in the hell did I become the enemy.
So Evey year September rolls in and I return to work energized, ready to teach, ready for my new crop of apples. By November I am burnt out. Not from teaching but from having to assume the role of surrogate parent, mediator, social worker, nurse and everything else you need. I know you are our future. I feel responsible, but I am not equipped. STRESS!!!!!!. I just wanted to teach math.......
So now my temper is quick, my patience is thin and I am irritable. You think its because I don't care. It's because I care too much.
Society sees me, a teacher, as an over paid baby sitter because I don't want to take the place of your parent(s). My temper is quick, my patience is thin and I am irritable because your parent(s) didn't do their job. I am held accountable for your parent not doing their job. Feeding, clothing, nurturing is not in my job description. Teaching you how to add and subtract unlike fractions is. I complain about your condition. I refuse to take your parents place and in return "I am the enemy". I JUST WANTED TO TEACH MATH!!!!!!
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